as train passed by~

I'm waiting for my train in an old railway station..i believe this station had much memories of pass..i'm waiting silently..i've told myself...the train will still coming and i will traveling again to another unseen land...i'm bored to death while waiting, no much people hang around..just an old man smoking his pipe diligently..a road cat that surely suffering from this empty world chasing each other for a piece of leftover meat that they might found from nearby old restaurant..and i'm wondering..why myself here..why everything seems very clasical and fade throughhly...i forgot how time change my life..suddenly i found myself alone in this empty old station..i know i need to move on...and i'm still waiting for my train to bring me..and i already have my own realistic imagination of future path..i see a rainbow with its seven beautiful layers of colours waving for me....i grasp my ticket vigorously...how should i convince myself that i'm waiting for the right train..how if my train already left..should i run after the train that have already gone..i'm still nervous inside..its not an easy situation to make any remarkable decision..we never now when times is right..we never have idea of future...and i need to go..from afar i heard a whistle of train..i step foward..i carry up a full beg of memories, i step inside the train with doubt and curiousity..for the last time..i see a path of road that i left..the old station, the old man, the fighting cat..the pastime...my tears begin to rolls as the train passing..~the note to remember my old days...indeed i'm happy with what i have today..

night angle~

i'm not sleep again last night..

whats a big deal neway..

its already part of mine..

night..quite...one self soul...

nothing differ...

its how i'm living..

since the very beginning...

i'm night angle~

how far will u run??

if u are given a choice..how far will u run from u're current state??take piece of moment..think about it..because its reflect how far u really want to escape from u're own problem..problem that u're face in u're everyday life..and how much its burden u're current condition...probably the bigger the problem..the farthest distance u will go...when we live in this unconditional situation..we feel a big stone humping on our chest...we cannot run from it...and its even more painful to escape...its keep crashing..its hard to live..its hard to breath...we really want to go somewhere else...place that cannot been touch by this cruel reality..we want to run as far as we can..the point here...when u face this condition..think...and u will know..how big u're problem is...think also..what u want to see in u're next move..maybe u want live by the sea..crowded place..big city..country side...or wild life...and what u will do??being a striper??noble people??teacher??a litle kid..hyper active teen??and what personality will u taken??a kind women??a gentle man..sport man...brave heart??super power??its a good point to reflect u're self..the things u wondering..is the things u want to change about u..or u have no chance to do it...or somethings that will make u perfect and way from u're problem..just ask u're self to understand u're problem!problem is not to solve..also not to neglect..just think wisely..u will know how to keep moving..anyway problem is not enemy..its part of life!!

doubt~ragu-ragu

i always have dis doubt..either to write in English..or stick with Malay..satu bahasa asing...dan satu bahasa warisan..and i'm not the one who protect this malay inheritance...menulis dalam bahasa asing itu...lebih menyenangkan...and to write in Malay...its surely a stuggle...setiap kali menulis...aku selalu merasa...menulis dalam bahasa warisan..seakan disalah ertikan...dan tanpa rasa bersalah..menulis in English make me more universal..but..aku selalu ragu ragu in between...bagi aku..bahasa melayu..mempunyai nilai seni tersendiri...aku bukan la saterawan...tapi pembacaan karya sastera sudah sebati dengan aku...mengagumi HamKa dan A.samad Said..aku rasa seperti satu kebangaan..but life is different in its own way..study in scince and art..and reality surely is different..bahasa Ingeris itu sudah keterbiasaan pula di tanah sendiri...so..keraguan and doubt itu...masih dipertengahan...

kawan lama..

hari ini..kawan lama pergi tanpa ucapan selamat tinggal..mengenalinya hampir lebih setahun yang lepas..aku cukup selasa mengenalinya dan memahaminya..hari ini,kami berjanji temu di pagi hari...dalam perjalanan yang penuh sesak..sedang aku masih beramah mesra dengannya..tiba tiba dia pergi begitu saja...pertemuan pertama..aku membawanya pulang ke rumah..dan hari hari berikutnya..ia setia dengan aku...sangat berterima kasih..kawan lama itu..banyak menyimpan memori indah untuk aku ingati...kadang kala..hidup sentiasa membuat kita berkejaran..dan lemas dalam lautan masa yang dalam..kita terlupa mereka yang disisi kita..dalam penas terik atau hujan renyai..mereka ada untuk kita..kerana sudah terbiasa..mereka disisi kita..kita lupa kewujudannya..bukan kita membenci..hanya terlalai dan terbiasa..bila mereka tiada..baru kita memandang masa lampau..mengingati tiap jalanan masa bersama..dan jasa mereka pada kita...hari ini juga..aku temui kawan baru penganti kawan lama..aku masih cuba memahaminya..semuanya bermula dari kosong..ada rasa gembira..ada rasa sesal dan ada rasa mencurigai..adakah kawan baru ini sebaik kawan lama???

nafas baru~

pernah tak bawak kereta dalam hujan lebat amat??
cermin kereta yang berbalang balang..macam mata kabur dengan power speak yang agak-agak lebih seribu ukurannye..wiper yang halaju tertinggi pun tak dapat betulkan keadaan..
waktu malam pula..dan bila terkena cahaya lampu kereta lain dari depan..ibarat dah jadi orang buta tanpa tongkat...teraba raba..mencari jalan...kalau ada kereta lain di hadapan..mungkin kesusahan dan kerumitan memandu tak keterlaluan...tapi hanya seorang diri..tengah2 padang luas..tanpa lampu jalan..dan hujan yang mengila..ditambah pulak udara dari aircond yang sejuk mengigit gigit kulit dan segala liang roma..aper yang diharapkan...ketika itu..baru aku faham..bagaimana kita mengharap cahaya datang menyinari hidup..sungguh..pertama kali dalam hidup..secara sedarnya..aku mengharapkan cahaya walau sedikit pun datang membantu aku mencari arah haluan aku..Tuhan mungkin mendengar...setitik cahaya dari motor yang jauh kat depan..memberi harapan baru...akhirnya..ada panduan untuk teruskan perjalanan..lepas tiba destinasi dengan selamatnya..dan hujan pun mulai reda...keadaan sudahpun tenang..serasa MEPUNYAI NAFAS YANG BARU....

si buta~

orang lain tak selalunye salah
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dan
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kita tak selalunya betul
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kita hanya si buta
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yang mencari satu kehidupan